"We need to talk..."

With the endless needs of your children, schedules and life daily needs, it's easy to forget about the stranger in your house...your partner.

When things seem to be too much, you are overwhelmed with your schedule and you can't seem to agree with one another, something drastic has to be done.

The most important relationship to nurture is the one with your partner.  You are each other's team mates in all parts of life and if you feel like you aren't it's time to have the dreaded "we need to talk" conversation.

Why is it so hard to understand one another?  Why are you never on the same page?  Why do you feel like your relationship isn't equal or that you are doing most of the work?

One word..communication.

The only way to truly understand where each other is at is to communicate.  It's very easy to get distracted by your phone, tv show, computer, children, that you feel like putting it off for later.

Sometimes later is too late and you have lost that connection with that special person.  Don't let the distractions get the best of you!

Action Plan time:

Turn it all off.  Everything.  No Phones, put them in the bedroom, office, wherever is out of sight and turn it off.  Shut down the laptop, tablet, device of choice.  Turn the tv off and unplug it if you need to!  No distractions, just eye contact.

Send the kids to play in another area, they need to understand that your relationship with each other matters and is a priority.  Sit with each other and start talking.

If you need to have a list of talking points with you to stay on topic, great.  But..don't get caught up in topics you want to complain about.  No one wants to listen to someone rattle off things they are struggling with.  If you need to, also keep a list of positive attributes to boost your partner up and show them you notice the good as well as the bad.

Be open and honest with each other.  If you feel like you are taking the brunt of the work say it in a non confrontational way, seeking a new plan.  If you want more connection time, be intentional and schedule a babysitter or swap childcare with a friend and get out of the house ALONE!  

You should never feel guilty for taking a night to yourself away from your children.  Our children deserve our best selves and we can't do that without a break from them!

Check your demands list.  Are there things on your to-do list that don't have to be done that is causing tension in your relationship?  Do you really need to volunteer for that position?  Do you really need to host that event?  Make yourself and your schedule a priority and just say no!  You are important too and you matter!

When you have a free schedule you have more time with your family to do fun things and more time to focus on your partner and where they are at.  Men and Women express themselves very differently and approach things in their own unique ways.  Some people openly express how they are feeling and others hold it inside.  Make sure you are nurturing your spouse's way of expressing themselves and check in with them to see how you both can improve each other's well being.  Don't assume you know how they are feeling or what they need.

If you are feeling like you need support communicating with your partner get help!  If your relationship is deteriorating and you feel like you can't do it alone, don't!  Seek a therapist, counselor, Parent Coach, spiritual adviser, friend whom you trust, anyone who you feel could help you through your challenges appropriately.  Sometimes all it takes is hearing the words come from someone else to connect the dots.

Make your relationship your number one priority.  Your kids need to know that there are other people in the world besides them.  They need to see what a healthy relationship looks like, struggles, disagreements and all!  They also need to see how you work through things and compromise, make resolutions and work as a team to get through daily life as well as the big challenges.

Communication is powerful and completely necessary.  Start today, push forward every day and see how many things improve.

If you need help and you are interested in my services to help you get started in balancing your family life and working through it's challenges, let's get started!