Why is it so hard to change my behavior, reactions & thoughts?

You plan ahead, you try your best but you lose your patience, and yell…


You feel your blood pressure start to rise and you can’t stop yourself from saying hurtful words..

You try to be patient but you always seem to lose control.. but you really want to change.

You are tired of your strained relationship between you and your kids, your spouse, the ones that mean the most to you.

It’s not easy, but change is possible.

Before you can really dive in you need to ask yourself these questions..

“How motivated am I to change or fix the problem?” “Why?”

“What is my temperament? My child’s/spouse’s temperament?” “Why does that matter?”

“What are my values and beliefs?”

“What are my strengths? And how can I use them to solve the presenting problem(s)?”

In coaching we really dive in deep and dissect all of these for everyone in the family to get to the root of the issue(s) and it’s one of my favorite things to do!

Have a lot of thoughts swirling around? Write them down!

Write everything down, also known as a “brain dump,” then it’s time to get specific!

What are your underlying fears and thoughts that you have that are holding you back? Do you know if you have any?

Are you basing your decisions on what you don’t want to be?

Are you imposing your thoughts and beliefs on others and disappointed when they act differently than you expect?

What beliefs about yourself or others do you have that may be limiting your behavior?

What beliefs do your spouse/partner/child have that may be limiting your/their behavior and ability to change?

What specifically upsets you about your behavior, your child’s, spouse’s etc.?

Why is it affecting you so much?

How is it affecting you and those around you?

You need to get crystal clear on what’s really going on and your “why” to find the deep meaning behind the behavior.

Then you can move forward.


The “why” is very important, it will be your motivation.

Then you can move into your System Of Change Analysis

(Ask yourself these 4 questions to gain a better understanding of how to change your behavior)

  1. What is the behavior I want?

  2. What is the behavior I am doing now?

  3. What is the reason I do behavior #2?

  4. What is my assumption/what am I afraid of underneath it all?

What is holding you back from being successful at changing your behaviors?

What is getting in the way of truly making a change?

Here are some things I will leave you with to analyze as you go through your own System of Change Analysis..

*As the Parent, you have the power to create the relationship and structure of how you and your child, spouse, partner, family member, etc interact.

*As the Parent, are you willing to change your attitude, perspective, methods, discipline techniques to see the change you want? How about your Partner?

If you find yourself really wanting to dig in further and implement strategies I would be more than happy to help guide you through this! Parent Coaching is customize-able and the farthest from “one size fits all”